Saturday, December 11, 2010

You Can't Have It All

It's Saturday morning, I'm on the train platform, waiting for the N, listening to Zeyi's Working for Bill*, and hoping for inspiration so I can dust the blog off with some fresh writing when it hits me. Hard:

You can't have it all.

Now, this is a shock. And a bit concerning. And totally disheartening to me. I whip out my notebook and scribble down the idea before I head out on my errands for the day, all revolving around work.

You can't have it all? Really? I suppose it's hard to accept, or grasp because it's the opposite of everything I've ever been told. As an only child and single woman, I grew up thinking I could have whatever I set my mind to. Wanna move to NYC? Done. Wanna get a new job? Done. Wanna get that boy at the bar? Done. Wanna get those shoes? Charged.

But then I got online and did a little research, and the results were so depressing.

Uh, what's that?

You can't have it all.

Oh. Okay.

At the beginning of 2010, I did not have it all. I was incredibly single and incredibly sad. I was grateful for one thing: a job that kept me so busy I had no time for thoughts or friends. My days circled around events and industry parties; and it was exactly what I needed to get by.

The summer changed everything. I was making time for friends, making new friends, and trying my hardest to enjoy my 20's. At the same time, I was working harder than I'd worked before. The most epic day was my birthday, where I clocked at least 12 hours at work before heading off to Fashion's Night Out (an important evening for my industry), and then celebrating my 25th. I was on top of the world. Did I have it all? I considered it a possibility but they say hindsight is 20/20 and I now know that's not the case.

Flash forward to December and things have reversed from where they were almost a year ago. I have almost everything I've ever wanted in a solid group of friends who preoccupy the majority of my time when I'm not working. Yet, I feel unfulfilled in other areas.

So wait, you can't have it all?

Hm. Do you think that's the case? I mean, what does "all" really entail when it comes to your life? Love, happiness, a great career, wonderful friends to lean on? Does one always suffer to allow you to achieve the rest?

I suppose I'm on a blind journey to see what's true; throughout which I've been keeping this gift from my mother on my wrist (in the form of a bracelet with the following inscribed)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

I'll let you know where I net out. Where did you?

*Note, Working for Bill did not inspire such a sad little post. It inspired me to be creative because it's a work of art. If you're not listening, you should be.

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