Tuesday, September 20, 2011

To Ring, or Not to Ring

It was a crisp fall day when my girl friend got a phone call from her ex-situationship's wife.


My friend had been told the man was divorced and shared custody of their child. She'd been wined and dined and showed her potential closet should she eventually become Mrs. X. What she hadn't been told was that her Mr. X was actually married. He had a wife and a family (heard from the horse's mouth). And her potential closet (with shelves on shelves on shelves for shoes) belonged to someone else.

"I checked for a ring! I even checked for a ring tan and he had neither!" she lamented over unlimited mimosas at brunch in Astoria hot spot, MexiQ.

And then I (obviously) got to thinking about marriage and wedding rings. It's no new topic to me, something I'm often curious about, especially after one of my other girls was approached at her 5 year college reunion by a man who said "wedding rings come off" with a wink.

I think part of why I find this idea disgusting is because I feel so strongly about wearing my rings when the time comes. After some research, I found out that wedding rings were actually a sign of ownership of a man to his wife. More often than not, rings were engraved, not as a romantic gesture, but more along the lines of a "dog tag". Return to sender. So I can't understand the difficulty in men keeping their rings on. If I belong to you, then you belong to me (thank you, Lenny Kravitz). Seems pretty clear to me.

In an effort to better understand this, I called my mother: "Daddy wears his wedding ring right?"

"Oh Maiah, don't be silly. You know your father hates jewelry."

And that was that.

So, I asked my roommate:

[tweet tweet]


I guess it's true - wearing a ring wouldn't stop a man (or woman) from taking it off and exploring forbidden desires. But I'm a bit old school in thought and have faith that blind trust and sheer love would keep my future husband from cheating. Am I doomed? Perhaps this comes from my parents, who've been happily married 36 years and still have date night. Or perhaps it's due to my roommate's parents, who skype with their daughter wearing matching hoodies.

What do you think? Ladies, will your husband wear a ring? Men, will you be faithful if you don't?


  1. Nice post...I think about it like this: I dive into the topic understanding that a wedding ring ≠ a ring. What I mean is…a wedding ring is a representation of a lifelong bond. A ring is well…..jewelry (Im pretty sure were all aware of that). So!...will a physical ring stop me from cheating? Naw…..But will the understanding that I have a life long bond with my wife Zoe Kravitz stop me from cheating…Yes (at least for me)…I even think about church. There are people who leave church, take three steps outside, and start lettin off rounds in the air (maybe a bit extreme). But seriously, there are people who will floss a cross around their neck, walk into a store, and steal. So, to bring it all in…will a ring alone keep a man faithful? I don’t think so…but I think if he cares about what the ring represents…then your in business ladies…. (PS. The comment applies for men and women. Some of yall are extra reckless as well)

  2. While my parents still hold hands at the movies and wear blue sweatshirts, I should mention that they were separated for a few years when I was in middle school. They went to couples therapy and worked it all out. The separation had nothing to do with cheating or wedding rings. It had to do with marriage being hard work sometimes. I think the ring is less important than making sure you are working together to ensure everyone is getting what they need from the relationship. I'm not really sure on this, but doesn't cheating usually occur when people aren't getting what they need from their partner (physically or emotionally)?

  3. Great post. I know many couples who are not married at all and are in committed and fulfilling relationships. While some of my married friends who show off their bands every chance they get are not committed or faithful relationships at all. I find that a ring will not stop someone from being faithful but Love, Respect, and trust for each other will.

  4. @MalanB™This is a great point and I often forget to go beyond the idea of infidelity or marriage as defining items. I love the idea of a committed and fulfilling relationship without all the hooplah. Especially because in the end, you're exactly right: Love, Respect, & Trust are most important.


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