Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Four Important Questions to Ask Yourself Before Saying "I Do"

On Halloween, news broke that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were ending their 72 day union. Kim planned on filing for divorce siting the (often overused) term irreconcilable differences. While divorce is never something to be celebrated or taken lightly, it seems like across the world, the general public can't help but let out one collective chuckle.

This was the wedding heard (and watched) around the world. The union, which was displayed on television as a strained one in my opinion, came together in a way that screamed fairy tale. When twitter informed me of the divorce yesterday, I couldn't help but wonder if fairy tales weren't meant to come true. Sure, we all want to marry the man of our dreams, but the union has to be a grounded one, right? Then I began to wonder how I could ensure this - and decided there are four important questions I must ask myself before saying I do:

Do you trust him with your life?
My mother once said to me, "I don't want to give you your passport until you get married. At that time, I will give it to your husband." Yes, this moment involved a side eye over the telephone. But, I've since realized that this sentiment really means my mother hopes I find someone she can trust with her most prized possession, her daughter. This person becomes responsible for my life, my finances, my general well-being. Just as I do for him. So we have to trust each other with our most prized possessions: ourselves.

What does your family think?
I will never forget the day in high school that I went on my first date. There was a horrible storm and our power was out. When my date came to pick me up, my parents opened the door with an industrial sized flashlight and began to bombard him with questions. I don't remember the full conversation (blacked out from mortification) but I do remember it ended with my date squeaking "and I test my breaks after every puddle!" My father nodded his nod and we were off. My father's nod is very specific and only appears when he is truly satisfied with something or someone. I'll know my future husband is a good fit for me and my family when my father nods his nod.

Can you stop sweating the small stuff?
I've learned that relationships aren't easy. They're not supposed to be. Relationships are hard work, and understanding how you and your mate are compatible takes time. It's easy to get caught up in social events and mutual friends but I am more concerned about is what happens when you're alone? Do you still love his dirty socks on the counter or the way he squeezes the toothpaste out of the holder? It may all sound trivial, but sometimes sweating the small stuff is what ends a relationship. If you can learn how to live together, dirty socks and all, then you can get through more than you imagined.

Are you on the same page?
According to one of the many speculators out there, Kim and Kris couldn't decide on where to live. According to the show, they also couldn't decide on how to spend their money (Kim is a big spender, Kris is frugal) and where their pets would sleep (in their bed or in a dog bed). One of the most important things I want to know before I get married is whether or not we are on the same page about everything. I mean absolutely everything: finances, children, pets, where to live, where to vacation, how to decorate, what's for dinner... I really mean everything. But most importantly, if we can't agree on where to live, how do we ever expect to happily live together?

What questions do you plan to ask yourself before you say I do?


  1. Those are the questions I asked myself when I got married.

  2. What a great post! This should be a mandatory read before anyone gets engaged!



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