Thursday, November 10, 2011

Public Service Announcement: Ladies Beware! Men!

I have been part of a series of texts that I feel the need to share with all the ladies out there. Thanks to my fancy iPhone 4s, I took these lovely screenshots, and then gussied them up in PowerPoint (shh) for your enjoyment.

I should probably give you the backstory. We met at my girl's second annual Halloween party, where he professed his love within 15 minutes of us meeting. Perhaps I was entertaining the idea that I'd just found 2012's boyfriend. Despite his constant texts calling me "sweetie", the glitter and sparkles quickly wore off when I discovered this "single man" was actually taken. So on Saturday night, while fueled by the power of a few vodka sodas, I finally sent him a simple text back: "you calling me sweetie or your girlfriend?" See the rest for yourself:

Now, let's dissect these texts. Please follow along with the numbers as detailed above and below:

  1. Stop sending me photos like we're close. I don't know you, man. 
  2. How many times can you call someone sweetie? In my messages I count over 10 times. That's more than once a day for an entire week. 
  3. You got caught. Don't diffuse the truth with an "lol".
  4. Yes, I have you on Facebook. And your account isn't private, therefore anything in is public knowledge as supplied by you. As Larissa put it: "people now-a-days don't realize that anyone can find who you are and what you do. If you're ballsy enough to put your business out there, then you're ballsy enough to get called on it." And besides, who gon' check me, boo?
  5. Does your girlfriend really do her own thing? Does she know you're doing yours? Girls aren't always as "free spirited" as they say.
  6. See ya!

So be careful out there, ladies. It's a dog eat dog world. If you need help dissecting texts or are in need of an anthem to help you forget the foolishness, you can always turn to me.

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