Saturday, August 7, 2010

Suburban Girl Contemplates: Dating & Aging

Carrie: And it just gets harder as we get older because we're not dating wildly inappropriate people anymore, you know. There's, there's no, uh, "Pshew, glad that's over!"
Berger: Right, right.
Carrie: And after every breakup I tell myself, I'm never doing this again. It's too hard. I mean, how many of these things can one person survive?

When I saw this exchange on Sex & The City, I thought to myself, "What is Carrie talking about? I never date inappropriate people. Duh."


... girl, please.

I had no clue that the sort of man I date would change drastically as I get older. As someone in love with “the bad boy” by default, I equated this statement with settling for safe.

In fact, I’ve only once found myself dating “the nice guy”. It was in London in 2005. We’ve since kept in touch, but his threats of marriage (yes, I said threats) and the expansive distance between us lead to a break up. I recently spent the most romantic and beautiful night with him this past spring in Dubai, and while I still care for him immensely, I could see our lives all too clearly and it was a little scary.

There’s something about the chase of a future with a guy who is hard to pin down that is much sexier than envisioning my future with a nice guy that involves babies and baking. That may have to do with my inexplicable fear of babies, but we’ll let this fact slide.

But I digress… here I am, almost 25 and completely rethinking the men I date. The older we get, the more it seems people are falling in love, getting married, and having babies (not always in that order...). The older I get, the more stiff I get. My list of qualifiers for a potential suitor is growing exponentially. As a result, the more rules I create lead to fewer men who can actually stand up to what I’m looking for.

The most troubling thing is, we really aren't dating wildly inappropriate people any more. And when we do date, it’s an investment of time, money, and emotions. The more break ups we have, the more guarded we become, and the less willing we are to go through the rollercoaster again.

In discussing the men currently surrounding me, a dear friend of mine told me to drop the boundaries and experience the ride. According to him, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Sure, cliché, but it’s the truth, don’t you think?

And with that said, I’m planning an outfit for a birthday party that I hope ends with me in someone’s arms the next morning. Because who doesn’t love a good cuddle? Oh, and FYI – I’m the little spoon.


  1. I am loving that picture of Chantal Biya, who gives the best "whatever" looks!

    I am in the same boat as a 26-year-old woman in that my list becomes more narrow as I become older. I do believe a lot of it has to do with experience as well as learning what your tolerance level is. I also used to date what would be considered "bad boys" but that had to stop once I went to college, got a job and moved out and on my own. Now? My expectations are completely different and I'm sure they will change with my own experiences.

  2. Hey! I stumbled across your blog and I really like it! I remembered being told that people should date as many people as possible to narrow down what you want because setting yourself down to that one guy just because you happen to be dating him can likely lead to disappointment. But now I'm older, I think I'm able to read the red flags before I pursue the guy any further. At the same time, since I'm older I see people around me getting engaged or already married and I wonder how many more guys and more standards do I need to get there.

  3. What a great post! Thank you for sharing this - your dating posts are sooo GOOD!!

  4. seriously love this post. i'm in the *exact* same situation... so nice to know i'm not alllll byyyy myselffff (celine dion voice, obv.) [chels]


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