Dear Girls: Carrie Bradshaw's NYC doesn't actually exist

This is an open letter to all the young women. You know, the ones watching old episodes of Sex and the City, dreaming of the day they can move to New York and live in Carrie Bradshaw's world.

I just want to be clear - that world does not exist.

[via]

At one point, I was you. Living in my sleepy little suburban town just outside of Boston, watching Sex and the City episodes all day long when I wasn't at work or shopping. And I slowly became obsessed with the idea of switching cities. I thought I was in the wrong one - I thought NYC was for me the way it was for Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha because of the way they lived.

Then I moved here. I moved into the most disgusting 3-bedroom apartment in Queens with two random girls who couldn't speak English. At night, the bugs and rodents came out and I was convinced that this could't be real life. Certainly not Carrie's.

When I moved into a new apartment with a very nice (and gluten free) roommate, I started trying to find Carrie's NYC. Almost every experience pointed to the fact that it wasn't real. At first, I discovered small reasons, like the fact that Bed is closed... apparently for a tragic reason. Coffee Shop is not nearly as cozy and fun as it looks thanks to the rude hosts and hostesses who think they're models (as someone in the industry, I can safely say most are not). Bungalo 8 was actually a good time (before it closed), despite Carrie running out. And Magnolia cupcakes are completely worth the wait if you skip the tourist attraction in The Village.

More importantly, no one has the funds to enjoy night after night out on the town with your girlfriends. Especially not aspiring writers who also have bills to pay (I speak from experience). And sure, there are happy hours to make a girl's night out more affordable, but they're so crowded that sometimes it's just not fun.

And finally, sometimes New York is just not fun - mainly because it forces you to really examine the relationships in your life. You'll go through the ups and downs of boyfriends, fauxlationships, situationships, and just plain bad dates. You'll separate from good friends and then reunite. You'll love your job and then hate it, and maybe love it again. You'll realize you're going through a quarter-life crisis and question everything you've ever done. And you'll resent Carrie for the amazing times she portrayed on the small screen... And then you'll reach a plateau where you'll fall in love with everything again.

As I sit in my bedroom post #HurricaneIrene and watch a rerun of the season finale, I'm thankful. It shows my favorite protagonist walking down the street with You've Got the Love blasting in the background. I can't help but smile knowing that Carrie Bradshaw's New York City doesn't exist, but mine does. And that's pretty great.

Tweet

PSA: Single Ladies, Listen Up!

Let’s face it, ladies. If you’re a single twenty-something, living in a bustling and exhausting city, its not as easy to find a man as some might think. In New York City alone, single women outnumber single men by over 210,000 (is that not horrific??). What does that mean? We’re going to spend more time single than we’d like. But I strongly believe that there are a few things that every woman must always indulge in, whether she is single or not:

Waxing, Sugaring, Shaving, Plucking, Threading, Bleaching, etc.
I cannot stress this enough. If you let yourself go, you will never feel sexy enough to snag a new man. Never. You’ll go out and hang your head low because your eyebrows aren’t waxed. You’ll stand with your shoulders slumped and your legs crossed one over the other because your you-know-what needs a tune up and your legs need shaving. And you’ll be generally uncomfortable because you don’t feel beautiful but you can’t quite figure out why. So pick your poison and keep it pretty.

Don't forget Victoria's Secret
Because nothing exudes confidence like walking around with this under your outfit:

[via]

Treat yourself to dinner & a movie
Please don’t reserve those kind of dates for when you have a man. I dated a man who LOVED the movies. When we broke up, theatres throughout the city became off limits to me as they all held too many memories. While I was pouting, I was missing the incredible works of art being released. Now, I’m playing catch up on Netflix (still) so that when a cute boy at a bar asks me “oh, you’re from Boston? Have you seen The Departed?” I can say “absolutely!’ and follow up with something witty – so much sexier than saying “oh... no.” #womp.

Always indulge in home cooked meals
The thing about cooking is that sometimes we save the impressive stuff for proving your wife potential. The thing about saving the impressive stuff is that you don’t get to treat yourself. So, instead of enjoying a delicious Coq Au Vin, you’re eating pasta with a boring sauce and getting a little fat. Treat yourself! You deserve a beautiful, home cooked meal. Don’t get lazy, get working. Besides, how do you expect that engagement chicken to work if you haven’t tested it at least twice?

Don’t forget lazy Sundays
There is nothing like a lazy Sunday in the arms of a lover. It's like there's no such thing as laziness because you're spending that time with a lovah. I personally feel guilty about lying in bed all day on a Sunday just because. But sometimes, you just have to indulge in a lazy Sunday chill session. Turn on Tweet’s Southern Hummingbird album, grab a book, order take out, and just hang.

Tweet

I worry that my idea of love...

... is not very realistic.

I blame that on Carrie and Big.

And couture. 

 

  

  

 

all images via vogue, june 2008

But according to my mother's wise words - it never looks like what you expect or want it to.

Tweet

It's like that episode of Sex & the City...

It's an unfortunate discovery when you move to New York City and realize that life is nothing like the Sex & the City episodes that drove you to move to the city in the first place.

My life is NOT filled with the following:

• Relentless sexy-time with handsome men who drop stock tips upon orgasm (Samantha)
• Rich, loving, handsome, nice men - two of which have proposed to and married me (Charlotte)
• A bar-owning, bar-tending soul mate and a successful career as a lawyer (Miranda)
• A man with a driver who brings me red balloons & champers on my birthday (Carrie)

I do, however have a wonderful selection of women that I think of as my soul mates. Our lunches, dinners, and brunches revolve around the most no holds barred sex talk this side of the Hudson and we all love a good martini (cosmopolitan for me, please). And despite the harsh realization that the Sex & the City life isn't the norm for New Yorkers - I'm happy. 

It is impossible to deny that the episodes are relate-able. It's impossible to go to out with the girls and not hear at least twice "it's like that episode of Sex & the City when..." because they always come full circle in our real lives. Is that to say we're living recklessly, or forcing a correlation? Who cares? But it's the reason why we love the show.

Tweet

Suburban Girl Contemplates: Dating & Aging

Carrie: And it just gets harder as we get older because we're not dating wildly inappropriate people anymore, you know. There's, there's no, uh, "Pshew, glad that's over!"
Berger: Right, right.
Carrie: And after every breakup I tell myself, I'm never doing this again. It's too hard. I mean, how many of these things can one person survive?

When I saw this exchange on Sex & The City, I thought to myself, "What is Carrie talking about? I never date inappropriate people. Duh."

[via]

... girl, please.

I had no clue that the sort of man I date would change drastically as I get older. As someone in love with “the bad boy” by default, I equated this statement with settling for safe.

In fact, I’ve only once found myself dating “the nice guy”. It was in London in 2005. We’ve since kept in touch, but his threats of marriage (yes, I said threats) and the expansive distance between us lead to a break up. I recently spent the most romantic and beautiful night with him this past spring in Dubai, and while I still care for him immensely, I could see our lives all too clearly and it was a little scary.

There’s something about the chase of a future with a guy who is hard to pin down that is much sexier than envisioning my future with a nice guy that involves babies and baking. That may have to do with my inexplicable fear of babies, but we’ll let this fact slide.

But I digress… here I am, almost 25 and completely rethinking the men I date. The older we get, the more it seems people are falling in love, getting married, and having babies (not always in that order...). The older I get, the more stiff I get. My list of qualifiers for a potential suitor is growing exponentially. As a result, the more rules I create lead to fewer men who can actually stand up to what I’m looking for.

The most troubling thing is, we really aren't dating wildly inappropriate people any more. And when we do date, it’s an investment of time, money, and emotions. The more break ups we have, the more guarded we become, and the less willing we are to go through the rollercoaster again.

In discussing the men currently surrounding me, a dear friend of mine told me to drop the boundaries and experience the ride. According to him, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Sure, cliché, but it’s the truth, don’t you think?

And with that said, I’m planning an outfit for a birthday party that I hope ends with me in someone’s arms the next morning. Because who doesn’t love a good cuddle? Oh, and FYI – I’m the little spoon.

Tweet