The Cheating Curve

I'm a little fascinated with the idea of cheating. 

so is he...

I suppose this fascination began over a few beers with my girlfriends at Studio Square Beer Garden in Queens. My mentality, as the single one at the table, was "good luck to the dude who cheats on me." The rest of them weren't so quick to pull the trigger. The thought was that cheating in a serious, committed relationship, should warrant a more thorough evaluation of a relationship. In my mind, the issue was clear and cheating was a deal breaker. Both Margaret and Larissa spoke calmly, highlighting that there's simply more to consider. So, I took to the interwebs to try and better understand why men cheat (yes, they cheat more), and why women stay.

I was immediately struck by an old interview with Sandi Jackson (wife of Jesse Jackson Jr). In 2008 news outlets exploded with the news of her husband's infidelity. She notes that when the Clinton scandal reached headlines, her initial thought was "Hillary should leave Bill." When faced with the situation in her own reality, Jackson notes:

"When the 'beast' lands at your door, it can be a very, very different experience. No one really knows what they are going to do until they are in that situation. When it happens to you it's amazing how what you once thought was black and white becomes variations of a color called gray."{source}

I was intrigued with the idea that strict thinking could switch to a more open-minded stance. I took to Twitter, asking for more perspectives (in 140 characters or less) from the female mindset. Instead, I was inundated with emails and tweet-stories from my favorites. The prompt? "@maiah: Is cheating within your dating/marriage deal breakers? Would you stay & try to fix?" Below are excerpts from the replies:

Allie: As a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage and not using the "quick fix" of divorce that I feel many people tend to do... I don't think infidelity would be the catalyst that forces me to leave the marriage. I think I would work relentlessly to fix my relationship whether I was seriously dating or already married. Vows shouldnt be taken lightly as you pledge them before God and all the people that you love. In the same vain, with the seriousness of these vows your taking you shouldn't be cheating, but I digress.

Brittany: My boss (a man) just told me, "well, wouldn't you think it's your fault why your husband is cheating?" (mj commentary: pause.) "Take Arnold for example. They said he was having a sex-less marriage. So, why wouldn't he cheat?" Girl! I can't! I met a guy, fell soo hard for this dude to find out he was married with two kids! I asked him, "how could you be married and telling your wife the same shit [you tell me]? This fool goes on to say that he's with her for their kids. Man, listen: if you're unhappy it's better to go your separate ways before it gets to the point where you want to cheat.

Shay: It's a deal breaker. I'm not a believer in appreciating what I have when it's gone. My worth, sanity & love means too much for that BS. Considering my last relationship: he cheated & blatantly told me that he just "felt like doing it but regretted when he saw me hurt..." I was young, insecure, and wanted this older man to love me like I did him. So I stayed. Biggest mistake ever. Wasn't paranoid. Didn't check his stuff. Nothing. And that was the problem. I checked out. I wasn't me. So, after coming out or my zombie phase, being a little more assured in myself and never being the person who didn't learn from mistakes I vowed to let go. I refuse to not see gain in ANYthing I invest in. Relationships included.

I was awestruck by these awesome women I call my friends. So many important key points are listed above but the top three resonate with me most. My initial black and white tunnel vision has dissipated somewhat. And regardless of whether or not I'm in a happy or troubled marriage in the future, I'll keep the following life lessons (courtesy of my girls) in mind:

1. The importance of vows and hard work.
2. Satisfaction (sex) matters.
3. Don't lose yourself.

Ladies, please let me know your thoughts on the subject!

And men, I want to hear from you too. Too harsh?

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Public Service Announcement: Sleepover Tips

In my time exploring potential relationships (or enjoying situationships) I'd like to think I’ve learned a few things. Not just about myself or the other person, but about the little things that make relationships between men and women work (or not work).

Initially, I didn’t think it would be a good move to share my tips and tricks (because then I’d have to kill you). But after a phone conversation filled with giggles and guffaws I realized this might be an interesting topic for more than just by best girlfriends. So here goes – my top 3 tips for sleepovers.

Joey & Dawson could never get it right either! [via]

Stay at his house
I know, I know. I prefer my house. We all do. Because boys aren't clean, and they aren't as aware of what women think is comfortable (seriously, what is up with men and leather seating? Leather couch + NYC summer heat ≠ comfort). However, I've learned that there's something about going to his place that makes men feel amazing. When I finally agreed to spend the night at an old situationship's apartment he walked around like a king. Literally. I can't quite figure it out but I think it has to do with being able to say "I'm fittin' to take her home".

Stay fresh
I’m a huge fan of the surprise “travel bag”. I call it a surprise because no one should know about it but you. Just pack a few small things in your purse and beef up the contents of your make up bag and you should be all set. My favorites? A toothbrush, a small travel deodorant, roll-on perfume (Sephora has a great selection), sunglasses (so necessary for a rough Sunday morning), and panties. Keep in mind, the larger the purse, the more fun things you can bring without utilizing a travel bag. My Louis Neverfull MM does the trick perfectly!

Don't get too comfortable
I honestly think one of the most important things to remember is that his house is not your house. Don’t start cooking up a storm, definitely don’t clean up shit, and definitely don’t start leaving your stuff there like it’s okay without a major relationship talk first. This rule about comfort is the hardest one for me as I'm the kind of person who loves to give as much as I can. But I've learned through experience (and also while reading #BelleBook) that the biggest downfall to a situationship is acting like it’s a relationship.

What are your favorite tips for successful sleepovers?

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Why Frank Ocean is Winning

Just like everyone else I simply cannot get enough of the Frank Ocean Nostalgia,Ultra mixtape. If you aren't listening, you clearly don't have internet or friends. Womp. Luckily for you, I've mentioned it here, which means you should go download it now, and pretend you were in the loop from the get go.

Now that we've gotten that out the way, let's get back to the purpose of this post: highlighting all the reasons why Frank Ocean is Winning. Or most importantly, speaking my language.


Press play.

I'm walking down Broadway to meet the girls for dinner when something stops me dead in my tracks - Nature Feels comes on and those beginning beats (copped by MGMT's Electric Feel) are getting under my skin. Then he goes in:

[Verse 1]
I've been meaning to fuck you in the garden
Been breathing so hard, we both could use the oxygen
Just hop on my back, I'll take you down the stairs
Into my backyard and lay you right on the grass

You had me at garden. Perhaps because I hail from the suburbs, where I grew up on a half acre of land that included many failed attempts at flourishing gardens. The idea that he wants to you-know-what in the garden means more to me for this reason.

[Hook]
Give it you over again, over again over again
Over again over again, over again over again
Making love, underneath the cherry leaves
Baby girl, tell me how my nature feels
Said oh baby, up against the cherry tree
Baby girl, I'll give it to you naturally, naturally

The notion of this all unfolding in a garden under a cherry tree is both incredibly sexy and hopeful. Cherry Trees represent death (eep!), rebirth, and (naturally) new awakenings. This moment outside is more than just some sexytime between two lovers - to me, the cherry tree involvement highlights new strides in their relationship.

[Verse 2]
Feeling like Adam when he first found out this existed
Me and my Eve trying out our first positions
And it's all good, and it's all free,
And it's all you, and it's only me
Playing in the dirt, wrestling myself inside you

The Adam and Eve reference isn't lost on me. Knowing Eve was made from Adam, this seems to conjure up a heightened sexual reference - there is a fluidity of bodies moving together, creating together. And besides, who doesn't love to wrestle?

[Hook]
Give it you over again, over again over again
Over again over again, over again over again
Making love, underneath the cherry leaves
Baby girl, tell me how my nature feels
Said oh baby, up against the cherry tree
Baby girl, I'll give it to you naturally, naturally

[Bridge]
My cavewoman, I'm a caveman
Doing wild things in a wild land
We keep going baby, we keep getting it baby
We'll get pebbles maybe a couple bam bams
Bam bam, bang bang, girl your heart
Goes bam and bang, feel my heart go, go, go

Not gonna lie, he loses me here - talking about making little Pebbles and Bam Bams. Granted, I'm trying to dislike children less, but the magic for me ends at the thought of babies. Sorry, bro. But just when I think I'm done you bring MGMT back at the end with the original bridge and outro, and I'm lost in this song again.

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PSA: Single Ladies, Listen Up!

Let’s face it, ladies. If you’re a single twenty-something, living in a bustling and exhausting city, its not as easy to find a man as some might think. In New York City alone, single women outnumber single men by over 210,000 (is that not horrific??). What does that mean? We’re going to spend more time single than we’d like. But I strongly believe that there are a few things that every woman must always indulge in, whether she is single or not:

Waxing, Sugaring, Shaving, Plucking, Threading, Bleaching, etc.
I cannot stress this enough. If you let yourself go, you will never feel sexy enough to snag a new man. Never. You’ll go out and hang your head low because your eyebrows aren’t waxed. You’ll stand with your shoulders slumped and your legs crossed one over the other because your you-know-what needs a tune up and your legs need shaving. And you’ll be generally uncomfortable because you don’t feel beautiful but you can’t quite figure out why. So pick your poison and keep it pretty.

Don't forget Victoria's Secret
Because nothing exudes confidence like walking around with this under your outfit:

[via]

Treat yourself to dinner & a movie
Please don’t reserve those kind of dates for when you have a man. I dated a man who LOVED the movies. When we broke up, theatres throughout the city became off limits to me as they all held too many memories. While I was pouting, I was missing the incredible works of art being released. Now, I’m playing catch up on Netflix (still) so that when a cute boy at a bar asks me “oh, you’re from Boston? Have you seen The Departed?” I can say “absolutely!’ and follow up with something witty – so much sexier than saying “oh... no.” #womp.

Always indulge in home cooked meals
The thing about cooking is that sometimes we save the impressive stuff for proving your wife potential. The thing about saving the impressive stuff is that you don’t get to treat yourself. So, instead of enjoying a delicious Coq Au Vin, you’re eating pasta with a boring sauce and getting a little fat. Treat yourself! You deserve a beautiful, home cooked meal. Don’t get lazy, get working. Besides, how do you expect that engagement chicken to work if you haven’t tested it at least twice?

Don’t forget lazy Sundays
There is nothing like a lazy Sunday in the arms of a lover. It's like there's no such thing as laziness because you're spending that time with a lovah. I personally feel guilty about lying in bed all day on a Sunday just because. But sometimes, you just have to indulge in a lazy Sunday chill session. Turn on Tweet’s Southern Hummingbird album, grab a book, order take out, and just hang.

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Love at first sight

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Five Reasons Why I Love Pretty Boys

My friends often have something to say about the type of guy I find myself falling for. They are incredibly well dressed, devastatingly handsome, and always pretty. Think: Blair Underwood/Jason Lewis. I can't help it; I like a guy to look good. When I express interest in a dude who looks like he forgot to shower, the reaction is very similar to the shocked g-chat emoticon:

Here are my five reasons Why I Love Pretty Boys:

He loves to shop
This is important because I love to shop. I could shop for hours on end, spend hours in the dressing room making sure the items are right, and will spend the day bogged down with bags all for a hard day's work. In fact, shopping is in my blood - my mother calls shopping "fieldwork" because it really is work. Be it online, in the stores, or otherwise, we will go to town making sure we get the best deals and the best items. If he loves to shop, it means we won't have any of those "but how long can you really shop for??" and "are we done yet???" arguments when I'm just getting into the heat of my purchasing.

I'm never worried about what he'll show up wearing
I've dated the guy who needs outfit direction and it's exhausting. Well, wait, don't get me wrong... it can be fun to play dress up with your man, mostly because you both end up naked anyway. But there is nothing more calming than knowing that no matter where you go, your boo will show up dressed appropriately. No jeans around his knees, no Air Force Ones when he should be wearing Prada Loafers. Phew - crisis averted.

He won't judge my exploding closet
Because his looks just like mine. But he's a boy so most of it is all over his floor too. This is also a key point because it makes me feel great that most of my closet is in my Carrie & Aidan inspired arm chair. Oops.

He doesn't know how to dress down
Let it be noted that with all this "pretty boy" stuff, one may have concerns if said "pretty boy" likes "pretty girls". The true test for me (aside from the one in the bedroom) is how he dresses down because he doesn't really know how and ends up wearing crazy colors that only a dude wouldn't care about. Trust that if you look like a real hot mess, you'll have me at "eep!"

When he goes scruffy, it's a nice surprise
Please. Don't deny the scruff. PLEASE. Because I love it. It allows me to indulge in my occasional bad boy fantasies if my pretty boy is looking a little rough around the edges. It's also a nice surprise when we see each other shortly after your shape up. Keeping that element of surprise alive keeps the butterflies flying in my belly.

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What I'm drinking this week: my roommate often goes to this itty bitty liquor store a few blocks from our apartment. Ever since she mentioned it when she was buying a gift for her man, I've meant to check it out. Last night I discovered they have more of my favorite wine than even Trader Joe's! Thanks for the tip, roomie :).

This week I'm drinking a beautiful South African Sauvignon Blanc by Indaba Wines. Yum.

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In The Morning - J.Cole feat Drake

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They Say Hindsight is 20/20

"You know what, Albie? I'm glad Maiah's gone through heartbreak. She's really loved and lost."

Mom, appalled, looks at Dad with her best side eye and says: "what? why?"

"Because it's giving her some good hair on her back. She's a real tough chick."

My mother called me to relay this conversation with my father later that day. I fabricated the side eye, but I'm positive Mom slipped it in as she's pretty good at them.
At first I was feeling a way. I mean, who says they are glad for your heartbreak? ...But then, after discussing further I could see exactly what Dad was trying to say in a way that only Dad's can. The heartbreak isn't what's good. It's the life experiences. The lessons learned. The strength and wisdom gained.

But of course, when you're drowning your sorrows in Ben & Jerry's (or in my case, mango sorbet) with a bottle of wine (who needs a glass?), the last thing you want to hear is "you're learning great lessons."

Fuck a lesson! I've got a broken heart and a carton full of calories to ingest!


Later, I'm sitting in my favorite hookah bar with my favorite male friend, talking about none other than the always important topic of sex and relationships. Reminiscing about our past break ups, we found ourselves laughing at the transition from "sniffling baby" to "social butterfly and dater". One day, it feels like you'll never make it out alive, and the next day - you feel like a million bucks.

The thing is, there's always strength on the horizon, and that makes me think that every experience with someone, be it your significant other, your faux-friend is a learning experience. But don't worry, I'll wait to admit that until I'm fully healed because the say hindsight is 20/20.

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A History of Dating: The Manitus and O - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 in the series A History of Dating. Click the link to catch up.

---

She was home.

She decided she needed some time, despite having gained perspective and accepted the break up. She needed to pick up the pieces, and reassemble them into something whole so she declared a Man-Hiatus, or Maniatus for short.

[via]

She filled her time with work, with books, with movies and friends. With Sex & the City episodes and 2-for-1 martinis.

She didn't go out much on the weekends, and when she did, she stayed huddled in the circle of friends she came with. She as afraid to branch out. She was afraid to stop the progress of working on rebuilding herself.

It was positive. And positively tragic... Until she met O.

Her night began assembling an outfit inspired by Madonna for Halloween. With leggings, three too many pairs of legwarmers, an oversized t-shirt, and numerous vodka sodas, she was feeling invincible. She went out with friends with no intentions of meeting anyone. Just some lighthearted flirting – this was maniatus time after all.

After a bottle of Prosecco, some old school jams (read: Jodeci), a house party that came to a rousing end with a visit from the police, more drinks, a cab ride downtown, then back uptown, and then an open tab at a bar where Miley Cirus played more than Beyonce... she was feeling ready(?).

She’d just finished doing the running man in a circle of random people when she noticed a man at the bar starring at her with a smirk.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" she slurred through the cocktails.

“I'm just admiring the view" ... maniatus was officially over.

O was everything she needed. An extra large chunk of muscle that loved to cuddle and coddle. He was sweet, though not necessarily smart, but he as a model so it was okay. She couldn’t go anywhere without receiving a text asking how her day was. She was beaming... And ignoring the unfortunate bits.

She wasn’t looking for more than he was offering, and she used him to regain her comfort spending time with men. But with every use of the word “baby” and “honey” and “sweetie” she was falling further and further in to the vortex called rebound.

Until one morning he attempted a real conversation that began and ended with one phrase from him: Did you really read ALL those books?

She glanced at her bookshelf, which housed only a small selection of her recently read pieces of literature and mumbled something quickly about having a brunch date and that he should go.

She never saw him again.

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Scary Age No More

I used to be terrified of the age 25. Seriously, 25 was my extra scary age. I used to think, “ohmygah*, 25?!!”

Every birthday celebrated felt like a minor death sentence. It was all very dramatic – like, Elle Woods breaking up with her boyfriend dramatic.





I didn’t even celebrate 24. I worked and went to bed instead (ahem, the 25 year old me thinks the 24 year old me is super-lame).

But to be clear, I cemented 25 as my Armageddon back when I turned 18. I had the coolest girlfriends, I was in a super hot a cappella group, and I basically thought I was the shit. What could get better than being 18 and extra hot*? Clearly, I was blinded.

If I could give my 18 year old self a side eye* I would. Now, that’s not to say I don’t have the occasional “eep! I’m 25!” moment. The most clear being the time I wouldn’t buy candy for some boy’s “basketball team” on the street and he called me an “uptight old head*” .......... iCant.

That said, being 25 (I celebrated my birthday in September) is so rich and ripe.

• It’s like being a teenager, except you're 5 years from 30.
• It’s like being in college except you live in the city, pay rent and big girl bills, and have lots of sex.
• It’s like being a foolish hot mess, except for when you’re at the office, because then you’re buttoned up and super fly.
• It’s like being version 2.5 or 3GS (but not quite 4G because I’m not quite 30).
• It’s like being “MJ Fadeaway” + “Maiah on Fiyah” + “Ms. Johnson (if you’re nasty)” all the time.

...and I love it.


What was your scary turned favorite age?

---

*"ohmygah" - copyright 2003 – 2010
*I was actually fat with a pretty face. But still. Confidence is a hell of a drug.
*What’s a side eye? Click here.
*What’s an old head? Click here.

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Suburban Girl Love Affair :: Drake X Cosmopolitan Magazine

It's no secret I am absolutely in love with Drake. Or, if it was, it certainly isn't a secret anymore. In my eyes, the boy can do no wrong. Case in point - one of the sexiest songs I've heard in a while:





I came across this interview with Drake for Cosmopolitan Magazine on Necole Bitchie and swooned a little deeper.

Interview text below:

Cosmopolitan: Is it hard for guys to get over breakups?
Drake: Definitely. Even after a long time, it’s painful to see an ex with somebody else. As happy as you are that she’s happy, there’s a little tingle underneath your heart. It’s not a sting. But it hurts a bit, and you wish it wasn’t there.


C: Is sex on a first date a deal breaker?
D: No, I don’t get why women think that. You’re telling yourself that all you have to offer is your body and the physical act. There’s more to you than that. If I like somebody, there’s so many great things to look forward to, even if we do it on the first night.


C: If a woman is into a guy, how should she get his attention?
D: I’m shy, so I like when she comes up and says “Hey, how are you doing?” That lets me know she wants to talk. The scariest thing is when you look at a woman and think of a million reasons why she wouldn’t want to.


C: What’s the secret to a happy relationship?
D: Acceptance. You’ve got to be comfortable enough to be completely naked with lights on and the curtains open.

Now, I'm not saying we should all take this 23 year old's relationship advice, but those are pretty great answers, right? Ugh, love.

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Suburban Girl Reflects: A History of Dating - Chapter 1

She met him one hot summer day in Central Park for a picnic. She was brought by a friend who was brought by another friend to attend his picnic, which was a mishmash of random people and their... friends.

She'd heard about him before. "You're going to love this guy," they told her. And they meant it in the scary way, not in the new best friend way. She was nervous and excited and skeptical. She spotted him right away: tall and handsome with a beautiful smile and a full laugh.

She knew they were right when she slipped in mud and dirtied her favorite ballet slippers. He jumped up, held her hand as he tried to brush away the mud while she balanced on one foot. Damsel in distress was her specialty, and it always worked wonders.

As the crowd settled and people began to drink, she watched him intently. He was everything she thought she needed and boasted a brilliant accent to boot. She was smitten, and later found out he was too.

ffffound via lelove

"See this picture?" he said to her in bed a month later.
"Oh my gosh, is this from the picnic?" she sounded genuinely surprised.
"I look at it every day" he smiled as he wrapped her up into his arms.

She was warm with feelings for him, though unclear exactly what they meant. He had infiltrated her group of friends and she did his as well. She and he were inseparable through the summer, into the fall, and cuddled up through winter; giddy about the new year.

Then, things started to shift. "I hate I'm smaller than you," he would say under his breath, cursing his naturally thin physique. She loved that about him - he was tall and lanky with long arms that fit perfectly around her.

"I hate that you have a job and I'm unemployed," he would say after drinks at dinner. She, feeling the need to protect him, would say she'd give anything for his freedom. She'd help him forget through kisses and hugs. She'd change the subject to something else.

"I'm actually just a big asshole. You really have no idea." She just stared at him; not sure how to respond at all.

On New Years Eve they had separate plans, which she was grateful for. "I need to be more grounded in my girlfriends," she told one of them as they dressed for a house party. She hid behind that excuse, but she was anxious and uncomfortable. A feeling in her stomach told her there was something more.

They broke up in January after several tearful phone calls and a screaming match on 56th & 6th during rush hour foot traffic.

Heartbroken, she ran through a list of all the things she'd done for him during two and a half seasons together. "YOU did those things because you wanted to!" he shouted back, leaving her both speechless and confused. As she stood there, wide (and dry) eyed, he just walked away. On the corner of 56 & 6th, she watched him dart through traffic, feeling her hands shake.

ffffound

****

Editor's Note: I've been doing some reflection on my previous relationships - remembering what I've been through, what I've grown from, what was entertaining, what was heartbreaking. Still very poignant for me, I thought this could be a nice series for the blog. I hope you enjoy. Xx.

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Suburban GIrl Soundtrack: Keri Hilson - Breaking Point

I'm going through a Keri Hilson phase. Not sure why or when it began, but I really can't get enough. This single, Breaking Point, is from her upcoming album "No Boys Allowed". That said, the beat of this song seems to be perfect make out/cuddle music (except for the part where she starts preaching. that's just awkward in any song). Tricky...

Enjoy.

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Suburban Girl Contemplates: Dating & Aging

Carrie: And it just gets harder as we get older because we're not dating wildly inappropriate people anymore, you know. There's, there's no, uh, "Pshew, glad that's over!"
Berger: Right, right.
Carrie: And after every breakup I tell myself, I'm never doing this again. It's too hard. I mean, how many of these things can one person survive?

When I saw this exchange on Sex & The City, I thought to myself, "What is Carrie talking about? I never date inappropriate people. Duh."

[via]

... girl, please.

I had no clue that the sort of man I date would change drastically as I get older. As someone in love with “the bad boy” by default, I equated this statement with settling for safe.

In fact, I’ve only once found myself dating “the nice guy”. It was in London in 2005. We’ve since kept in touch, but his threats of marriage (yes, I said threats) and the expansive distance between us lead to a break up. I recently spent the most romantic and beautiful night with him this past spring in Dubai, and while I still care for him immensely, I could see our lives all too clearly and it was a little scary.

There’s something about the chase of a future with a guy who is hard to pin down that is much sexier than envisioning my future with a nice guy that involves babies and baking. That may have to do with my inexplicable fear of babies, but we’ll let this fact slide.

But I digress… here I am, almost 25 and completely rethinking the men I date. The older we get, the more it seems people are falling in love, getting married, and having babies (not always in that order...). The older I get, the more stiff I get. My list of qualifiers for a potential suitor is growing exponentially. As a result, the more rules I create lead to fewer men who can actually stand up to what I’m looking for.

The most troubling thing is, we really aren't dating wildly inappropriate people any more. And when we do date, it’s an investment of time, money, and emotions. The more break ups we have, the more guarded we become, and the less willing we are to go through the rollercoaster again.

In discussing the men currently surrounding me, a dear friend of mine told me to drop the boundaries and experience the ride. According to him, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Sure, cliché, but it’s the truth, don’t you think?

And with that said, I’m planning an outfit for a birthday party that I hope ends with me in someone’s arms the next morning. Because who doesn’t love a good cuddle? Oh, and FYI – I’m the little spoon.

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Suburban Girl Laments: The Dating Game

I entered Boqueria on 19th & 6 eager and excited for dinner and sangria with my girlfriends. We all raised an eyebrow at the table the waitress brought us to - sitting the three of us at the head of a table for 8. As the table slowly filled up with other parties we did our best to politely ignore the people next to us. It was a slightly strange concept: enjoying "intimate family style dining" in a city that prefers to leave intimacy for the bedroom.

The last two seats (directly next to us) were filled two more twenty-something women. I felt an odd fondness towards them as they tried to figure out what to order.

"Should we get the potato fritters or is that too much starch?" One would ask, all smiles.

"How about the Rose Sangria? Is a pitcher too much alcohol?" The other would counter and dissolve into giggles. My girls and I all smiled at each other - our motto once again proven that you can never trust a girl without girlfriends.

As I fell into my meal with my girls, we revolved around the usual topics of general nonsense. We spent the time crouched together in a tight triangle of three whispering, gasping, and laughing. We relived stories from college, collapsing into giggles and covering our eyes in horror for extra emphasis.

A lull in our conversation left a wide open space for an exclamation from the girls next door: "WHY are we still single? WHERE can we go to find boyfriends before the summer is over!?"

I couldn't help but smile at the idea that "man" is the universal language of women everywhere. Of course there are a number of other things that I would think women across the world can connect on (you know, politics, shoes, health care, etc) besides men; but, no matter what, it is the topic we always seem to come back to. That said, I can't help but be continuously intrigued and interested in the battle of dating.

Yes, battle.

In fact, I share the sentiment exclaimed by our twenty-something counterparts. I find the idea of dating an incredibly daunting task. It completely exhausts me! Dating conjures feelings of anxiety and stress, rather than the jittery excitement it should create... (similar to the feeling one gets when buying her first Louis Vuitton).

My mother says this is because I am too picky. Hmph.

But can you really blame me when meeting a guy at a bar results in a one night stand and waking up in last night's mascara? When online dating results in receiving emails from the illiterati (yes, it's my new term) and the 60 year old men looking for someone to bring in a little "youthful fun"? When walking down a New York street seems to be reason enough for men of all ages to wink and make kissing noises in your ear as if this is normal behavior? When blind dates never, ever seem to end in a happily ever after?

Ugh, its all so exhausting just to think about. I yearn for the day that I find a hot English bloke waiting for me on my doorstep a la The Holiday. Until then, I'll continue to carry on the "where is my boyfriend" conversation that women across the world are having over cocktails.

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